i hope you charged your batteries, robots, its going to be a long night.

i totally forgot it was valentines day, what a tragedy...i hope all the happy couples out there exchanged gifts like obedient robots, and greased up their face muscles so they wouldn't cramp up from all the forced smiling...i am sure the day was filled with all kinds of love and affection...personally i think its pretty much bullshit...although there are bound to be some gf's upset tonight because their gift wasn't up to snuff and maybe i will be graced with a dramatic exit scene or tongue lashing...that would make my day, i will be sure to have popcorn handy...i don't really buy into the who gift giving thing on this day, even if i don't have a significant other...are we so busy that we need a day to remind each other that we care...its sort of reminder of how pathetic we have come as a society...i say fight the system, break the red and white chains and say no to v-day, and say yes to every day...show your partner that you care all the time, and choose random days to buy flowers...you will save money and the unexpected gifts are always much better...i really don't mean to sound so bitter...its not that i don't think love deserves a day...love is much more special than that...it deserves a life.

i bought new strings today for my guitar so hopefully i will be ambitious enough to record something and post it...if anybody actually reads this...oh i know annoymous does, so stayed tuned.

m.

my furnace burns just like your hopes and dreams.

anonymous is back and posted a great song in the comments...one of my all time favorites actually...solid taste...and i think the song is a love song of sorts which makes it even better...because who couldn't use a little bit of love.

i just finished watching the movie american teen and it was really interesting...it was a sort of documentary that followed 6 teens in their senior year, showing the different sides of each and the struggles that they had to endure...in the end everything came to a happy conclusion which i found pretty funny...the movie actually feel a little disgusted at how childish the world can be at times...but it also got me thinking about what i want to do with my life...wait a second, it made me think of what i want to do in the coming years...how can we define what we want to do with our life...things change in an instant...i want less definition and more questions, more adventures...more randomness...it keeps things interesting...i can't imagine my life being a book, where you can just flip to the last few pages and read the ending...i want it to be more like a daily paper where i can subscribe and recieve daily information, most of it new and unexpected...this paper won't be brodcasting only negative stories, but exciting flashes of genious...maybe i will called it 'the daily genious'...that just makes me proud.

so over the past few weeks i have been thinking about relationships, love, commitment and all that exciting stuff...and i have come to the conclusion that it terrifys me and i am not really sure why...i often think about what i consider my perfect relationship and usually i come to the same conclusion...it doesn't really exist...soul mates; a little optimistic i would say...but maybe these thoughts are just a product of what has gone down in my past, i am not sure...anwyays, last night i was continuing this thought line, when the rye kicked in and i realized that it was a fucking waste of time...last night i build a furnace in my head...this furnace is designed for unwanted thoughts...whenever one comes along from here on out i will put it in the furnace and burn it away...use the heat and energy produced to fuel productive thoughts that are going to improve my life...i love my furnace, it burns with great intensity and the funny thing is, its efficiency is increased when i am wearing a headband...must be equivalent to a thinking cap...lets call it a combustion headband...done.

i am totally addicted to tokyo police club and i am proud to admit it...they are pop with great lyrics and i love it...their songs are teases though because most of them are only like 2 and a half minutes, so i just reply them over and over...i have fun though so i don't care.

well i am out, tonight i am off to a house party...i am entering an unknown world, will i return?

m.

identity.

i have been trying, but its official...i am a man without an identity...a body without a face...an army without a leader...its a bit frightening, losing something like that...now the focus is to regain that identity or maybe discover a new one...could be tough...where do you start?

m.

free ice.

have you ever taken a look at your life and wondered where exactly you are headed?

and i don't mean in a frightened way...there is no fear of traveling down the incorrect path or being nervous that you won't get there, but just feeling a little left out when the message came down to tell about your destiny...its difficult to describe the emotions...somebody once told me that they thought there were emotions that you could not describe, and perhaps this is one of them...lately, i just have been feeling completely on the outside, like an alien, like i was never meant to fit in to the mass population that seems to have no trouble fitting in...the thing is, in no way does this make me sad, in fact i am sort of proud of it...atleast i know i haven't been formed by a popular cookie cutter shape...it does make me feel a bit lonely though...even my friends seem to have mastered the art of throwing down with the general public...and the people i used to think were in my boat, they have moved on, to bigger boats and ships...but this doesn't mean i am sinking, i am not, i just choose to lazily float around on the open water...maybe one day i will hit somebody elses boat and we can form an alliance, i am not sure...that sort of brings me back to not knowing where i am headed...i still beleive that i am destined to do something worthwhile, something that will fill me with pride...and acomplishment that i can say made a difference in somebody's life...but for now this blindfold is really itchy and annoying...but don't fret, it is not going to stop me from moving forward, thinking big and trying to overcome the many obstacles we face in this life...i have been reaching out to these strangers, the humans that seem so different...so what if a handshake is foreign, nervousness seems to pass, right? maybe i just wasn't the '1000' friend make when my designer was envisioning his creation...shit, i barely hit 250 friends on facebook...is that sad? or am i just picky? i guess my next challenge is to just start putting myself in those awkward positions and start learning how it all works...no man is an island, and apparentaly no alien is an island either...its just my parcel of land is pretty small so not people end up staying...i must invest in some lights, decorations and maybe a mini bar, entice people to stick around...coming soon, state of the art ice maker, your drinks are colder than ever.

m.

strangers and anonymous commenters.

last night i got all up into some walk in volleyball with total strangers...and it was a great experience...the whole interaction with strangers and meeting new people with little or no buffer is not an easy thing for me to wrap my head around...and due to my stubbornness to learn, i guess, i don't have much practice...but, that is where change rolls through these parts...i am trying to put myself in situations that force me to learn, force me to change my anti-social ways...and that is exciting...i am discovering in a bad way that friends are the pillars that keep you standing during times where it feels things just keep piling on...and although i am no where near rock bottom there are days when i wake up and feel there is a lot of weight on my shoulders and without some solid foundation work, i could come crashing down...now i have some solid pillars, but it never hurts to revamp and enhance that part of your life...so heres to strangers, sometimes they are nothing what you expect, in fact that seems to be the case all the time.

i would like to send out an encouragement to people who are hiding, hiding a huge part of themselves, for whatever reason that may be...it is a burden, one which nobody should have to go through alone...i understand that sometimes things can't be allowed to escape, but at some point the container that is holding all of the secrets is going to burst and that doesn't provide a happy ending for anybody...good luck with the demons inside, well all have them, we just gotta find a way to let them out, slowing, so nobody gets hurt.

finally, thanks anonymous for the franz ferdinand lyrics...i never thought they would end up in my blog...i enjoy trying to decipher the meaning and determine if they have any relevance to my ramblings...i look forward to further comments and perhaps an unveiling of your i.d., even if i don't know you...enjoy.

m.