the library has books...and they are free.

hello internet,
its been awhile...been outside enjoying the crazy heat wave here in bc...people are going crazy because our arch nemesis, humidity, is reeking havoc on the province...we have only seen the likes of this weather 3 other times in the last 125 years, which i think is pretty crazy...as for me i don't mind it, i have always been an sweater whether it is 20 degrees or 30, so now i just feel part of the crowd...haha.

sort of been bummed out lately; looking for a job is more more overwhelming than i expected...i think it is because i haven't fully committed to it yet and the fact that i have this undeniable fear that whatever job i get, i won't feel like i fit it...i mean i already feel like an outcast in society, how am i suppose to fit in at some professional firm (if that is what i choose to do)...i just don't feel normal in a suit and tie...i am afraid, in a way, that if i get a real job then i am just giving into the mainstream societal pressures and i will be losing a little bit of what makes me unique...on the other hand, i have identified that i have to have a job to survive, i guess it is just taking time to convince myself of that fact.

as for the rest of my life, pretty boring...i have been playing guitar tons as of late and singing like i have a voice that should be heard...got my mic and amp all set up in my living room and i belt out the likes of brand new, matthew good and modest mouse to my hearts content...i am sort of practicing up to some day particiapte in an open mic, but i will have to have my good friend by my side for the first time...i know he is practicing up as well...i have really narrowed down the songs i play to ones i enjoy singing, because in the end, music is therapy for me and belting out lyrics that insprie me, aids in getting me through the days...this weekend i am flying solo, so if i get all bold maybe i will do a video and post it for people to make fun of...it could be fun.

i rode my bike up burnaby mountain yesterday, which was harder than i initally anticipating it to be...it wasn't hard from like the standpoint of doing wind sprints, or even running a 10 mile tempo...it was just mental hard because riding up hill is relentless...i give credit to the tour de france guys, gravity is a deathly oppnent...what makes it so tough is there is no rest...you lose focus for a bit and you go backwards, or fall over...it is just a steady grind and at one point i started to laugh at just how much of a grind it was...i am sure if was funny for people to see me laughing as i struggled up this mountain in 38 (with the humidex) degree weather...i would have laughed if i had saw myself...haha...but in the end, it was worth it because i felt a little bit of accomplishment as i reached the top...i hope to do that route atleast once a week and even hit up the top of the mountain and around SFU for additional riding...maybe one day i will even run it, but that would be pretty intense...i will have to see about that one.

anyways, i am out and i will leave you with three thoughts that i am currently thinking:
1) the michael jackson news coverage makes me despise our society even more...yes it was sad, get over it...i have pretty much given up on watching actual tv, beacuse it makes me throw up in my mouth
2) the movie 'i love you man' was really great, and any dude that is out of school and finds himself struggling to make friends should watch it
3) i have been coming to the library as of late and i find it really comforting...i was never a frequenter of these places in the past, but the fact that you are surrounded by tons of inspiring and intelligent works of art is peaceful and comforting...makes me feel like there is way more to life that i even knew possible.

m.

abnormal: not typical, usual, or regular

as i sat atop my stationary bike and gazed upon the puddle, the spongy bog that had been created beneath me, i concluded that i was a different breed of human being than the normal...i wouldn't consider myself abnormal (although if you are not normal how is possible to not be abnormal) but just cut from a different cloth, wired in an alternate fashion...i have an undeniable obsession to push my body as far as it can go, and then want to push it farther than that, even in a one hour spinning class...i look around and see small beads of sweat on other peoples faces, but not a pool that needs rubber galoshes to cross...perhaps its that my sweat glands are on steroids, or i am just not in that great of shape, or maybe i just internalize all my struggles and anger and take them out on my body in some sort of exercise...in any event, the obsession has taken over my life and it now defines me...and to be truthful, i love it...this is how i was born, how i was designed to act and now that i have discovered that, i am happy...i smile when i muscles burn, and my obsession his taking me towards the avenue i want to be traveling down for the rest of my life.

to me there is something incredibly peaceful about riding within the confines of a public transit bus...its magical...whether your motive is inexpensive travel, reducing your carbon footprint or just a lack of a personal automobile, the end goal is the same...and i feel that just places everybody on an equal level...i like to picture the inside as a sort of bubble, where once you enter the bubble there is no prejudice, no social status or judgment...it doesn't matter where you are from or what colour your skin is because everybody on that bus is bonded together by their primary focus of achieving travel...its beautiful...you can chat with the driver or the other passengers, or read a book, or maybe just listen to music and enjoy the city moving along without sound...no matter what i do when i am on the bus, it is always on of the best parts of my day...on a bus everybody is family, and we ride together!

i have been reading 'into the wild' and hit up the library today to get a couple of books that chris mccandless was inspired by...his story really inspired me, and not in a way that makes me wanna fall off the radar, but in a way that makes me want to seek out adventure...my mind in working hard now and although it is going to take time to achieve what it is working on, my focus in beginning to become singular...it is nice to have clarity, now i just must put all in motion.

i have been running about 4 times a week and had my last accupuncture session on wednesday...this weekend i will do up a program involving swimming, biking and running along with core workouts that i will follow for awhile...i think i will do a race this fall, i doubt it will be a marathon as i don't think i will be ready, but most likely i will do a half this fall and then if all goes well i will do a full in the spring...but those plans could change...i have really been enjoying swimming and biking, but in the end absolutely nothing can compare to running...the thing that i find ironic about running here in bc is that what people hate the most, provides with some incredible happiness--the rain...i got into a run the other day where the skys were falling and it was tranquility...it was 50 minutes of unrelenting day dreaming while being punished by the pavement, but comforted by the raindrops...it was a brief moment of perfection and in that moment i remembered why i fell in love with running and why i am still in love with running...it was unmistakenly elegant.

m.

trendy is always spelt wrong in my dictionary.

today i was touring around a bit in vancouver and i came to the realization that i hate this city...i mean maybe not hate, maybe sort of love/hate...how can you not love the mountains every morning, the green space, the active lifestyles and the push to be environmentally conscientious...but then there is the other parts...i can't stand the fact that every where you go you have to read about how you can make your life more luxurious...live in luxury, top of the line everything...get the ultimate bbq here, the greatest oven there, upgrade your interent for just a few dollars, its 0.2 percent faster...there is always somewhere for somebody with money to get a little bit more, and why, just so they can say they have the best...and if somebody says the word trendy again i am going to vomit...people trying to dress trendy, oh i only date people who have a trendy style...what the fuck does that mean anyways...is trendy what everybody else is doing or what nobody is doing, i can't keep track anymore...how about the 'i don't give a shit what i wear or how i look' trend...stupid vancouver residents, feeding the fire, letting their greed rule their lives...get over it...and then there is things like what i saw today that just make me sad...i understand that ever city is dirty, but today i was walking off the skytrain and i passed an undeveloped piece of land (it was near downtown) and it was all fenced off...and all i saw was garbage which had collected at the foot of the fence...in a city that is surrounded by such beauty, how can people be so iggnorant? littering has got to be the ipedimie(no idea how to spell that) of laziness...i do admit there are very few waste bins on the sidewalks in vancouver, but how difficult is it to cary you mcdonalds bag until you see a garbage you waste of space slob...it makes me pretty sick...anyways, i am done with that rant.

onto something cool i saw the other day...i was at tim hortons enjoying a coffee and a sandwich (the turkey bacon club really can't be beat) and upon finishing my delecious sandwich i went to place my bag and cub in the garbage only the door would not push open...and my immediate hasty reaction was 'these employees can't even empty the garbage what are they doing'...so i moved to the next garbage and same thing...what the hell...it wasn't until i took the two seconds to read the garbage which had been intentonally sealed shut and it said 'have you tried our new recycling bins?'...needless to say i was excited...they had a station with three different holes, one for cups, one for bags and other type materials that could be recylced and finally one for waste...i thought that it was pretty special...why can't all fast food restaurants figure out a way to recycle their packaging material...imagine how much garbage mcdonalds sends to their corresponding landfills each year...i am sure the number is staaggering...so good on you timmy ho's...i have always loved you and now even more.

i slacked a bit the last few days on the running/swimming/biking because i was recouping from my bday and i was just lazy...but i am back at it now...i got some biking gear and am ready to start hitting the road for some substantial bike rides...still hitting the pool for 2.5 to 3km per session and running is dabbled in there...still getting tightness in my calves after a run and it is really frustrating...gonna see how that goes...may get into a triathon next weekend, just a short sprint so nothing too crazy...but it should be fun...i got a used wetsuit for 30 bucks off craig's list so i am ready for ocean swimming...it should be fun...i leave you with a picture from my bday bash (if you can call it that) of my roommate stef, her friend mark and i...i promise we weren't drunk at all!!

m.