daisy.

so encouraged (apparently) by the lead singer i went and got a leak version of BN's new album...say what you want about stea...i mean downloading, it got the music to me faster...by now means am i going to review the album because a large part of me thinks reviews are pathetic and useless...like anything anybody says about the music i listen to is going to change my mind...so why would i think i could change other people's mind...i will say the cd is epic in a whole new way than i expected...a cd that would be incredible to see performed live and a cd that will grow on me and get better with every listed...a very dense and layered record that deserves devotion and contiplation...it excites me.

i am on an easy week for running so not much to tell...i had a good 10 miler on the weekend but feeling tired from the grind...i think once my legs recover from this fatigue, i will start feeling much better on a continual basis.

i have been feeling like i am on a merry-go-round and it continues to speed up...i am holding on for dear life with no relief in sight...its exhausting.

float.

i just re-read my last posting and i have to apologize to those who toughed out that read...that was a poor display of spelling and coherent thought processing...maybe i should rethink my non re-read policy just to ensure that my thoughts are actually making sense...sometimes i just get so into a thought that my fingers can't keep up to my brain...i will try to work on that.

today i just did an easy 6 mile recovery run, but for the first 3 miles i had the weirdest euphoric feeling...i honestly have never felt something so weird, but intriguing...perhaps it was a lack of carb stores, or maybe i was just tired, but i was traveling at a really slow pace and i felt like i was flying...and i don't mean that in terms of running really fast, but actually floating...my head was light and all the sounds around me were muffled...i knew what i was doing, but i felt outside of my body...it was crazy.

short and sweet today.

m.

we are robots.

what is up internet?

did everybody see usain bolt destroy both the 100 and 200m records at the worlds, pretty ridiculous...i will never understand why people keep saying 'oh that record will never be beat in our lifetime'...and then some freak of a human goes and destroys the record...lets just refrain from making that statement, okay? humans break records, we push the boundaries, that is what makes competing so interesting and fun...anyways.

i got to see my brother, sister, brother-in-law and my little niece this week, as we made the trip to whistler...it turns out there are some great places to run in whistler, who knew...and since it was so hot i stopped to swim in the lake in the village which was beautiful and refreshing!!! whistler is a pretty cool town and i hope to get up there this winter and hit the mountain with my bro...anyway, jeff's sister and her husband hooked us up large with this condo suite in upper village...it was bad ass and matty hooked us up with free pizza, which was a bonus...i even got in a round of 18 holes, mini putt holes that is...although it was real grass, and rough...haha....all in all it was a great get away...plus i got to see the bailster in action, and boy was she full of action...not to fond of the old car ride, but once we got there she was a bundle of joy...i think we should all envy the little ones...its either good or bad, hot or cold..everything is perfect and fun and exciting, or it sucks...there is no in between...it really makes things easier in my opinion...haha...maybe i should try to take that advice!!

i went over 40 miles for the week for the first time in a long time and it feels great...plus i am up to double digits for my long run, a great 10 miler today...actually i totaled 13 miles today...i drove out to north van to run the trans canada trail, but it turned out to be an uphill mountain battle so i cut that short and just did a 10 miler by my house...the 10 was really great and i even got the last couple of miles under 7 min/mi which felt nice, just to get up to pace...the feeling of invincibility i used to always get when i was like 6 miles into a long run pushed its head through the tired muscles and thin layer of fat today, just to let me know that it was still around...it is a beautiful feeling, one that reminded me of my marathon last year...between mile 8 and 18 i felt like i could run a 230 marathon...it ultimately faded and i didn't even break 3 hours, but that feeling is bliss...my mind morphs from something that is controlling to something that is simply monitoring...my body is no longer bone, muscle and tendon, but a series of mechanical parts all moving in a very robotic manner...my brain simply watches and observes, monitoring malfunctions...its as close to cruise control as you can get...it is truly beautiful...i get the feeling that my feet and the pavement are one...like there is a glue grafted to both parts and as i lift each foot the glue stretches and then pulls the foot back to the pavement...each foot strike is like the perfect good night kiss, the perfect touch and it happens over and over again...its an opportunity to live the most radiant and beautiful moment over and over again...that coupled with the fact that you can lose yourself in the robotic motion of your body and escape to any place you want to be makes these runs so special...in any case, it was great to see the feeling show itself for a bit...i know it won't come around always as i am not in that shape yet, but it is nice to know it hung around through the tough times.

i am getting another visitor in about a month and i can't wait for that...i wish i could come back to ontario to see people more often because there are lots of people i miss so much...and it is super special when people make the trip way out here...sometimes i wonder what exactly i am looking for way out here living amongst all these mountains when there are so many people i love back in ontario...i hope its something great and i hope i find it some day...maybe it doesn't work that way, maybe what i am looking for will find me no matter where i go...or maybe what we are looking for can't be found, but it is actually just the life we live while trying to find something that is important (if that makes sense, you know my policy on rereading blogs)...anyways, i hope something crazy happens to me soon, i could really use the jolt...peace.

m.

acceptance is the first step.

i have come to this place to admit my newly developed addiction to twilight saga...now before you go and judge me on this, let me justify and explain how my feeble attempt to avoid this was such an epic failure...i didn't read the books because of the teenage cult following and i didn't want to be part of that whole escapade, but i did obtain the movie without having to shell out any money which makes this a much more beneficial habit...the reality is, beneath the obvious vampire plot line and cult following due to the 'good looking' actors, there is an inspiring love story that develops...a story that shows that love should conquer all...in fact i would go as far as saying we could all learn a thing or two from the movie (or book for that matter)...i mean, i am sure that sounds insane, but when you dissect the story, it is true...when you are willing to give up your very source or existence for the person you love, that is a powerful message...i think if we all could find a love that strong in our lives, the world would be a much better place.

off day today for running and i feel pretty gross, but playing it safe and not jumping into things too crazy to start...lately i have lots to think about and my runs have been going by in a flash...there were a few times when i arrived back at my house without really remembering much of the run; being lost in my thoughts and all...the thing is, how do you conquer a challenge that has no answer? has no correct path? do you keep fighting or go limp and give in? my focus is so fuzzy right now it is making my head hurt...sometimes when i get back from a run, i want to go for another one in hopes that i can clear some of the smoke because i just can't figure anything out...i am trying to be patient and just let the universe takes its course, but it is difficult...is it time to relent and stop fighting, admit to the defeat and move on? time will tell i guess.

here's a song from the movie that i love.



m.

my brain dreams.

i entered 'daydreaming' into google and obviously the first hit was from wikipedia...and it said a day dream is a visionary fantasy experienced while awake, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions.

i am hooked.

it appears that the older i get the more time i spend daydreaming...whether it be about winning a big running race, landing a great job, meeting the perfect girl or winning lots of money...they are always great!! especially when i am running lots and have so much free time with my mind...i get really involved in my daydreams, extracting the smallest details from the depths of my brain...alot of time it sort of takes me away from reality and i forget that i am running and i get right into it, likes its a movie, or even better real life...i just keep weaving the story, making it better and better, and then i arrive back at my house and i am almost disappointed that the run is over, well actually that the daydream is over...haha...do you daydreaming and if so, how much time do you spend daydreaming? i wonder if daydreams are analyzed like actual dreams...i don't think they are quite the same, because there is so much conscious control...in any case, i enjoy it tons...in windsor where i had running partners i didn't get up to it as much cause they was chatter and all that, which is great in its own respect, but my daydreaming slacked...here's to bc and my addiction to daydreaming.

did 8 miles today which seems like chump change to my friend who did a 12 hour race yesterday...just wanted to give a shout out to CS, hope the race went crazy awesome...we will have to show down on the pavement again sometime in the future...just give me a chance to get back into shape...my run was great, it being the longest i have run in i can't even remember...but taking things slow and loving it...burnaby lake is a gold mind for running...will prob explore doing some laps of it for longs run in the future.

listen to this song and love it (or hate it i guess)...music heals all wounds, and this helps heal mine.


m.

dance like everybody is watching and you don't give a shit what they think.

last weekend was the pride parade here in vancouver and it was pretty crazy to see...it was great to be a part of something where everybody sort of forgot about any problem they were having for a few hours and just had a great time...there was no judgment or prejudice amongst the crowd (atleast that i saw) which was made of all sorts of different people...it really made me feel good to be a part of that crowd...there were certainly some sights to see and i had a blast...not to mention carol and leanne put together an amazing brunch before hand...i was in heaven with all the breath taking breakfast foods...plus i got a comment on my hair, which i was so stunned by i didn't even know what to say...it was weird...must have been the rope headband that did it....perhaps i can figure out how to post a few pics...let me try
well that was a little tedious, but there are a few...it was a great time and the girls that made it great.

have been running, and that is about it...my pass to the pool ran out and i am not in a financial position right now to renew and to be honest i am having too much fun running...yesterday on my run i was thinking about how perfect running is to me...there is nothing to worry about when you are out on a run, especially if you have a series of notes collected together banged around in your ears...with swimming, you gotta worry about other people in the pool, the wall, and even getting to the pool...biking, well gotta watch the tires or they could pop, there is traffic and bumpy roads...but with running, i jus throw on the old shoes and i am instantly beamed away from normal existenance and get to participate in the creation of a euphoric cloud of greatness...in the moment last night, i just felt nothing could really compete with this, nothing can really compare...with running, it gives you back everything you put into it...it surrounds you with a blanket of pain and woven into the blanket of tiny fabrics of ecstacy...but the best part is that thost tiny fabrics are not accessable without the pain...you must endure, if you are to reap witch makes it truely beautiful...perhaps this is the reason i have failed at all my meaningful relationships...because from what i hear and what i have learned, love should be number one on the list of 'perfect' things in life...maybe it has never reached number 1 for me which ultimately leads to it failing...in any sense, my love life with running is as strong as ever and i can't see it ever diminishing.

now i just gotta get the body back into top form and things will start to work out...i will keep you posted on any schdule i created...right now i am just running and don't have any races in mind, but will start looking soon...i don't get many comments on this blog, hell i don't even know if anybody reads it...but tell me what you think of running and if you love it like i do.

anybody who knows me, knows i love music...and also knows i love the band brand new...their new cd drops next month and i couldn't be more happy...when i find a cd (whether it be by a band i know or don't) that i really love its like i have won the lottery...my mood in every aspect of life is greatly increased and i am most likely more production as a whole...i am counting down the days...on monday steph, chandra and i went to sam roberts...it was at deer lake park which is an outdoor venue and it was some of the most fun i have had in a really long time...we were dancing like we owned the place, like we had taught michael jackson all his moves...and we didn't care what we looked like...as steph said 'we were like the people you see at concert and you bet your buddy to dance with them for 5 bucks'...it was fun being those people.

m.