kicking the habit.

i have made it through my first weekend in this foreign place i have chose to re-establish my life...i can't say it was eventful, but i will say i am happy to be here...friday was a very rough day as i decided that the start of a new job is a great time to start really changing my life...one thing that that involves is kicking the caffeine habit...i had come down from a few cups a day to one cup a day over the last couple of months so i figured cutting it out of my morning ritual wouldn't be that big of a deal...boy was i wrong...the day started off well, but by mid afternoon an explosion had gone off in my head and it would just not go away...nothing i did helped and i was forced to lie around helplessly for awhile...i was determined not to give up entirely on the day so i went to the home depot (which would normally make it a nice little thursday), but my brain was fuzzy and i felt like i was disappearing...i figured if i moved onto something a bit more exciting i could shake the vice that had a grip on my mind...off to the grocery store, which if you know me is one of my favourite places...it was the worst grocery store experience of my life...that alone almost brought me to tears...the grocery store is my safe place, it always makes me feel good, except thursday...i stumbled through the aisles, perhaps skinning a few heals, i am not sure and got out of there as fast as i could while trying not to forget anything...i got home plopped everything down and retired to the couch to die...who would have thought kicking a caffeine addiction would be this horrible...i feel for those people who are addicted to something a bit more narly...i finally gave in to some aspirin which stomped the pounding enough that i could drift away into a coffee coma...surprisingly i woke feeling much better...i now i am three days into a caffeine free life...i feel good and ready to tackle my first day tomorrow.

there is something exciting about moving to a place where literally nobody knows who you are...nobody knows your past, no mistakes and no triumphs...i feel almost like a ghost...i can be anybody i want with no stigma or preconceived ideas to sift through...i think it will be a learning experience, perhaps a tad lonely, but there is lots to explore...i am anxious to see how each day turns out.

as for running, my body isn't agreeing to much with me lately...i am glad to be a bit more grounded now and i can get into a routine...there is a pool/gym that is close by that i think i am going to join just to help get my body back into shape...i am waiting for some equipment to come in the mail which will help battle the cold weather...stay tuned.

m.

how do you shake hands with a city?

i have departed and arrived again...i wonder what life would be like to arrive for the first time and then never leave that place...boring? comfortable? safe? in any case, my life has not been like that...i have departed my birth place to begin a new chapter in my life...a chapter that will start with meeting new people as i know nobody is this new city, save for an old grade school companion...does this scare me? i don't think so, i feel more anxious to get going...anxious to run new streets, shake new hands and learn new things...i am anxious to swim in new water and create new memories...perhaps my latest arrival will lead to a new home, something i can build on...i can honestly say i am a bit sick of the departing/arrival routine and have serious plans to grows some roots here...the past couple of months have been a struggle and there were times when i was faced with a sad reality...the optimism that once fill my body was slowly fading away, and the negativity that filled the air was leaching through my skin...but, through struggle, there is always something to learn and i took hold of that opportunity...and now the streets of c-dub must endure my wrath...i plan to get my fat ass in shape again and get my life back in line with what i wanted it to be...it has been fun being a bum, but i am ready to be something much bigger and better...stay tuned for the rest of my life.

m.