canadian made.

i've been running this week!!! haha...well i guess it was last week but the days are morphing into one lately as it seems all i do is exercise and eat...ya i did a 6 mile and then a 4 mile and they both felt great...there was a bit of tightness in the calves the next day but that is to be expected...my legs are definitely not in shape for running, but the old ticker held up alright...it seems as though the swimming and biking is helping get me back to where i want to be.

speaking of biking, i bought a road bike, a used one ofcourse...i have only be out on it once, i wanna get a pump and extra tubes before i do anything crazy...but it was really fun...i really want to get into some tri's this year while i get better and back into the hardcore running...i never really thought i would like the biking, but i had fun with the bike today, there are lots of bike paths around burnaby and vancouver as they seem to really encourage that type of travel...i have been reading a book on climate change, and although i don't take everything it says as truth, it does point out how addicted we are as a society to the automobile and how that is essentially leading to our eventual downfall...the lease on my car is up next year and i am going to put serious thought into living without a car for awhile...i think that could be fun, it could teach me some lessons and maybe give me a greater appreciation for the ability to go any place at any time...anyways, back to the bike, i attached a photo for all too see...i will never love anything like i love running, but i am beginning to appreciate these other disciplines and i am enjoying the change.

today was sort of a day of remembrance for me, i am not sure why, but it just seemed to happen...i find it tough sometimes to think back on my life and the decisions i made because knowing what i know now would have come in handy back then...but i don't let it get me down, i just enjoying thinking about it sometimes...it actually inspires me to be better in the present...well, most of the time...when it comes to love and relationships i am not sure if i will ever been inspired or if i will ever get it right...i see couples getting married or talking about marriage and it feels so far over my head its scary...today i got the thought in my head that i may be the type of person and has one single soul mate in the world and until i find that person, no other human being stands a chance with me...and the reality is, i may never find that person or maybe i have already found that person and didn't know it...i am not sure...all i know is i have done some real damage when it comes to the relationships i have been in and to stay positive to keep moving forward i have to think they were the right ones to be in, or it wasn't the right time to be in it...the whole concept of a relationship i find to be very simple from a distance, but once you get involved in one it just never is...why can't it just be 'we are happy together, we are in love' end of story, or 'we are not happy together, lets go our separate ways'...but we all know, it just doesn't work that way...love is such a complex thing, and some days i find myself thinking that love is just something human beings creating to make themselves feel better or mean more...but most days i see it, and i know it is real and i know that i have felt it on two occasions...i guess when it is gone for awhile, sometimes you forget its power...well, to all out there in love, i salute you...stay strong on the front lines, it will pay off in the end.

m.

canada does have provinces.

okay, to start i am going to go on a little rant.

why, oh why, do journalists (and i will single out american ones because a lot of news i read is sports, written by si) always fail to mention the province of a canadian city they write about...why is it vancouver, canada or toronto, canada...i just don't understand, i don't say 'i am taking a trip to seattle, america, that just sounds stupid...are they that ignorant they can't learn the provices of the country that is attached to them at the hip, there are fell less of them then states...that just really irritates me for like 12 seconds after i read it...it doesn't ruin my day or anything, but really its vancouver, british coulumbia...get it straight!!!

got the go ahead on the running from my therapist on wednesday which is a good sign...well she said i should start testing it more, so not quite the start of training, but good signs all around...i am going to keep up with the biking and swimming, as well as the core workouts (which i sort of hate) but i am going to trickle in some running as well...i will keep you posted on how the runs feel and what kind of running shape i am in.

just got back from grocery shopping and oh what a good time...amongst regular weekly necessities i would have to put grocery shopping at the top of the list...you get to check out all the delicious food, chat with the employees and just fantasize about the endless possibilities that each aisle brings...its like paradise.

still no job, just hanging out still...it seems there is a little more action on the job websites though so that is a good sign...things are looking good if make a strong push with my resumes...things should work out!!!

i thought i had some real topics to discuss with myself, but i can't think up any right now...until next time and intellectual conversations sans people.

m.

the previous chapter had no characters, this one does.

its been many days, and many nights...i think i have been lost and sort of pretended i was a different person for awhile...i couldn't run, i moved away from the people i loved and i got sad...i took out all my negative feelings on my life and got bitter, stopped writing, let my body go and just gave in to my surroundings...however, within that sadness a new and more exciting flower spawned and is now here to stay.

currently i am all up into some acupuncture therapy to help heal my body in hopes that i will regain the running form i so desperately loved...but in the mean time i have been hitting the exercise trail with some other gems like biking, hiking (grouse grind in particular) and swimming (which oddly enough i am sort of falling for after a previous failed attempt to do so)...my body and self image are slowly climbing the ladder and i hope to be on top of things again in the future...i have splashed a few runs in here and there over the past few weeks but nothing to write home about...oh how i miss the feeling of the wind in my face, cracking off 7 minute miles and just loving it...i think my problem was, i convinced myself that those moments were the only ones where i felt alive...once i couldn't live those moments anymore, i failed to live...i hadn't died, but i just wasn't living anymore and it took me awhile to fix that flaw...so i will keep updates on my running and race ideas but they will come slowly...in the mean time i will post updates on my life and whatever thoughts are running through my head.

i made the move to burnaby, which although still a city, is much more my style than vancouver...even though they are attached at the hip...much more foliage and less dolche and cabana (i am sure that is spelled wrong, i actually hope it is) sunglasses...living in the lower mainland of bc has provided me with some good times, some great landscape but also i deep hatred for certain parts of our society and how things work in 'every day life'...i have always thought i was a bit different, and my thoughts have been confirmed...however, the best part of that is it makes me happy...i am so done with the materialistic part of the earth we have created, i mean i am not ready to move into the wilderness just yet (perhaps some day), but the greed and gluntenly that i witness on a daily basis makes me sick...where as humans did we go wrong?

i am living with my friend steph, who upon reading this, will discover that she is one of the most important people in my life...anybody that knows me, knows that i don't carry many people in my little pocket of friends, but she has made a real splash in that pocket and it has been a lot of fun so far with tons more to come...we are hooked up in a place right by a huge park with a lake (the lake is not that big but still cool seeing as it is in the middle of the city) and i couldn't be happier with it...once i do start to run more consistently i have tons of places to explore.

i am not working right now, yes laid off...sort of a product of our recession and sort of a product of my discontent for the type of work i was doing...now i am searching, searching for something that is going to make me feel a little more complete inside...recently i have started to develop some fears that i am not going to find something and i am going to end up living on the street, but i am staying positive and feel that attitude will reach out to the universe and in turn the universe will send me something great (atleast somebody once told me that is true and i trust her instincts).

other than that i am just working out, quietly mocking the participates of vancouvers trendy alliance and just laughing...playing guitar, although i sold my electric guitar because it wasn't quite the one i wanted and now i miss it like it was once a often used limb or internal organ...i will obtain a new or used one in the near future, i must!!! so i once again look forward to writing these blogs and getting my thoughts out to the online community...my treatment is half way through and i am hoping soon i will be able to begin my slow process back to full scale training...until next time...watch less tv, buy less things and enjoy this wonderful country we live in.

m.

ps. i highly recommend the movie 'one week' for any canadian that reads this.