the library has books...and they are free.

hello internet,
its been awhile...been outside enjoying the crazy heat wave here in bc...people are going crazy because our arch nemesis, humidity, is reeking havoc on the province...we have only seen the likes of this weather 3 other times in the last 125 years, which i think is pretty crazy...as for me i don't mind it, i have always been an sweater whether it is 20 degrees or 30, so now i just feel part of the crowd...haha.

sort of been bummed out lately; looking for a job is more more overwhelming than i expected...i think it is because i haven't fully committed to it yet and the fact that i have this undeniable fear that whatever job i get, i won't feel like i fit it...i mean i already feel like an outcast in society, how am i suppose to fit in at some professional firm (if that is what i choose to do)...i just don't feel normal in a suit and tie...i am afraid, in a way, that if i get a real job then i am just giving into the mainstream societal pressures and i will be losing a little bit of what makes me unique...on the other hand, i have identified that i have to have a job to survive, i guess it is just taking time to convince myself of that fact.

as for the rest of my life, pretty boring...i have been playing guitar tons as of late and singing like i have a voice that should be heard...got my mic and amp all set up in my living room and i belt out the likes of brand new, matthew good and modest mouse to my hearts content...i am sort of practicing up to some day particiapte in an open mic, but i will have to have my good friend by my side for the first time...i know he is practicing up as well...i have really narrowed down the songs i play to ones i enjoy singing, because in the end, music is therapy for me and belting out lyrics that insprie me, aids in getting me through the days...this weekend i am flying solo, so if i get all bold maybe i will do a video and post it for people to make fun of...it could be fun.

i rode my bike up burnaby mountain yesterday, which was harder than i initally anticipating it to be...it wasn't hard from like the standpoint of doing wind sprints, or even running a 10 mile tempo...it was just mental hard because riding up hill is relentless...i give credit to the tour de france guys, gravity is a deathly oppnent...what makes it so tough is there is no rest...you lose focus for a bit and you go backwards, or fall over...it is just a steady grind and at one point i started to laugh at just how much of a grind it was...i am sure if was funny for people to see me laughing as i struggled up this mountain in 38 (with the humidex) degree weather...i would have laughed if i had saw myself...haha...but in the end, it was worth it because i felt a little bit of accomplishment as i reached the top...i hope to do that route atleast once a week and even hit up the top of the mountain and around SFU for additional riding...maybe one day i will even run it, but that would be pretty intense...i will have to see about that one.

anyways, i am out and i will leave you with three thoughts that i am currently thinking:
1) the michael jackson news coverage makes me despise our society even more...yes it was sad, get over it...i have pretty much given up on watching actual tv, beacuse it makes me throw up in my mouth
2) the movie 'i love you man' was really great, and any dude that is out of school and finds himself struggling to make friends should watch it
3) i have been coming to the library as of late and i find it really comforting...i was never a frequenter of these places in the past, but the fact that you are surrounded by tons of inspiring and intelligent works of art is peaceful and comforting...makes me feel like there is way more to life that i even knew possible.

m.